Most of the air I exhale in my home tends toward my vexation at the inability of most contemporary adults to engage in civil discourse. Most discussions on issues have become too contentious and competitive, steering the focus toward victory rather than valuable (free) education. Admittedly, my words have sharpened themselves toward those I have spoken with in the past–very few people among us can claim the inverse–but I have found several key traits that may help you in the future.
Insist on being educated. Do not assume that because your gum-chewing, speckle-faced, skateboarding partner has problems saying the word, “nuclear,” he will have a hard time dispatching thin and weak points in your argument. Love of stupidity is one of the few true evils in humanity, one which you tabled yourself when you agreed to start the debate in the first place.
Adopt a common language with your new friend. Find common ground in terms, make certain you and your partner agree on certain words that will frame the debate. Avoid inflammatory boilerplate such as, “partial-birth abortion,” “universal health care,” “far-right,” “far-left,” and so on. Don’t engage terms defining things you don’t understand well, ie- if you don’t know the definition of, “Fascist,” avoid branding things as, “Fascism.” This, of course brings us to a big one:
Avoid name-calling. Sure, your partner is a maladjusted, feckless, preternaturally retarded, smelly, loud pig’s anus who wallows in the lowest un-voided bowels of abject idiocy, and for all that, he’s likely a very bad, annoying, hollow pile of elephant dung for enjoying his stupid, shitty existence. The moment you call him an asshole is the moment you shun a productive, abstract clash of informed opinion and start a fight. Certainly, that asshole had it coming–no really, I agree with you, calm down–but why the hell would you start a discussion with him and waste your time while you could just lead off with a right cross and get it over with. Consult your integrity, and leave the name-calling to your partner. If you are dubbed an offensive term that belittles your position, point this transgression out candidly and get on with it. If you can’t figure out how to conduct yourself peacefully, you are wasting your time.
Listen and absorb. If you hear something truly evil come out of your partner’s mouth, wait for your turn to speak and ask them as calmly as possible to confirm that they said that thing that so grievously offended you, and state your core value that conflicts with what you heard. If your partner turns pallid and tells you that you said something evil, you had best think about it.
Do not engage any logical fallacy. Read them and listen for them. They are everywhere, and vast cretins are hoping you can’t tell them from the truth. They are the actual root of all evil moral behavior.
Abandon hope of changing minds during the argument. This is not the Super Bowl. Do your thinking at home, and then either change your mind or don’t. And stop trying so damned hard to shuck a confessional or admission of failure during an argument. Stop being a baby and have some class for once in your sloven life.
In an actual discussion, nobody can truly lose. If you think and impart your thoughts to other people, they will gain something from the discussion. If your opinions are thin and weak, your skateboarding friend (see above) is going to help you defend your position more rigorously, or you will abandon that position because the facts bear out that you’re wrong. Of course, if you do pick a fight (see above again) and are shot, maimed or otherwise disabled, well then you lost. Plain and simple.
These are simple guidelines, but they underscore a fundamental purpose: insist on using your mind. Leave all things rote and rudimentary to the smaller-minded species of the world. If a human being can build a car and a network of roads upon which it may travel, it can easily make the attempt to learn more from its brethren. You are capable of abstract thought; don’t consign that capability to the concrete-minded fools who speak through your television set. Talking points are just jargon for the abdication of the abstract mind.
Argue well.
